I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
