Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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