Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
