I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry about my life...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
