Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
