i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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