just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
false alarm. still invincible.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
