I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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