Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
