A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
