I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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