Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
