they need to just BURY HIM!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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