i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
