You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I could fuck to npr.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize