Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
