So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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