dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize