So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
