Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
