You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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