I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
