As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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