I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize