Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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