Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
