I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize