Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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