You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
