You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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