Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
