he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
