please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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