She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
