barbara walters just said penis...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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