I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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