my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
