I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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