I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize