I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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