those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
