I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fuck appropriateness.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
