She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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