I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
