I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
