evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
