I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
