So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
