Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She bit a glass in half.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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