Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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