tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
