I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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