Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
