Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
