just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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