i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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