I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
