I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
