the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
