he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
