I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
