I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
