I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
only if we run a train.
done.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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