I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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