My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
