On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
