Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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