very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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