omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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