Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
