So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize