she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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