who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
