"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
