What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
