I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
