John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize