there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
