I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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