just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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