I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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