This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
