I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
