i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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