If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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