i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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