Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
