i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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