youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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