Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
