It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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