my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
