Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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